In this page
RIPPED FROM THE PAGES OF “BORING OLD HISTORY: A FUN NEW PLANET”
The Pre-Carbonation Era
Here’s an image of what Pop Planet (formerly known as A Planet) looked like before the Supreme Carbonator went and carbonated shit up on Pop Planet. If you’re geriatric enough, you might even be able to remember some of this history!
Year 0 (1767 AD)
A Planet is born. In Earthling years, Year 0 is an Earthling’s 1767 AD. It was during Year 0 that The Constructor birthed Itself because some guy somewhere in the Milky Way accidentally triggered an event that awoke Its Holiness from Its slumber in the universe’s womb.
The Constructor’s first task that It assigned Itself was to create A Planet and The Supreme Carbonator that would eventually crash to create the fated Soda Stream Supreme centuries later in Year 202. The Constructor intentionally spaced out the spawn locations of A Planet and The Supreme Carbonator on opposite ends of the universe so that it would take exactly 202 years for the two creations to collide. Why go to this effort to space them out like that? It makes for a fun story. And the eternally bored Constructor loves a good story.
The Pouring Era (1767–1780 AD)
Starting at Year 0, the Pouring Era is what scientists have dubbed the most obscure era of Pop Planet history. Named after the life that poured onto A Planet shortly after its creation by The Constructor, the Pouring Era has been largely agreed to be the early stages of lifeforms on A Planet. Miss Space Cadet also arrived on A Planet in this era as a lone star, and she will tell you that she got here first.
(Note that in this period of time, “Pop Planet” is such an insignificant planet that it’s still named “A Planet.”)
The Bubbling Era (1800–1969 AD)
The Bubbling Era was the second and longest era thus far in Pop Planet’s history, marked by the development of towns, cities, organizations, governments, and other social structures that begin to solidify the lives of the advancing alien lifeforms on A Planet.
However, all the towns and cities and structures were so mediocre in the grand scheme of things that every town was just called A Town, and A Planet was still A Planet. was born sometime in this era, but he was regarded as such a blip in the universe that when he was born he was just called A Baby.
Year 202 (1969 AD)
The Supreme Carbonator collides with A Planet and transforms it into Thus marks the beginning of the newest era, the What was once 3D is now 2D and cartoonized, what was once water is now soda, and what was once oxygen is now airborne soda particles.
Year 256 (2023 AD)
Present-day timeline. Unfortunately, this is the same year that Enya arrives in Pop CIty.
The Pre-Carbonation Era
Here’s an image of what Pop Planet (formerly known as A Planet) looked like before the Supreme Carbonator went and carbonated shit up on Pop Planet. If you’re geriatric enough, you might even be able to remember some of this history!
Year 0 (1767 AD)
A Planet is born. In Earthling years, Year 0 is an Earthling’s 1767 AD. It was during Year 0 that The Constructor birthed Itself because some guy somewhere in the Milky Way accidentally triggered an event that awoke Its Holiness from Its slumber in the universe’s womb.
The Constructor’s first task that It assigned Itself was to create A Planet and The Supreme Carbonator that would eventually crash to create the fated Soda Stream Supreme centuries later in Year 202. The Constructor intentionally spaced out the spawn locations of A Planet and The Supreme Carbonator on opposite ends of the universe so that it would take exactly 202 years for the two creations to collide. Why go to this effort to space them out like that? It makes for a fun story. And the eternally bored Constructor loves a good story.
The Pouring Era (1767–1780 AD)
Starting at Year 0, the Pouring Era is what scientists have dubbed the most obscure era of Pop Planet history. Named after the life that poured onto A Planet shortly after its creation by The Constructor, the Pouring Era has been largely agreed to be the early stages of lifeforms on A Planet. Miss Space Cadet also arrived on A Planet in this era as a lone star, and she will tell you that she got here first.
(Note that in this period of time, “Pop Planet” is such an insignificant planet that it’s still named “A Planet.”)
The Bubbling Era (1800–1969 AD)
The Bubbling Era was the second and longest era thus far in Pop Planet’s history, marked by the development of towns, cities, organizations, governments, and other social structures that begin to solidify the lives of the advancing alien lifeforms on A Planet.
However, all the towns and cities and structures were so mediocre in the grand scheme of things that every town was just called A Town, and A Planet was still A Planet. was born sometime in this era, but he was regarded as such a blip in the universe that when he was born he was just called A Baby.
Year 202 (1969 AD)
The Supreme Carbonator collides with A Planet and transforms it into Thus marks the beginning of the newest era, the What was once 3D is now 2D and cartoonized, what was once water is now soda, and what was once oxygen is now airborne soda particles.
Year 256 (2023 AD)
Present-day timeline. Unfortunately, this is the same year that Enya arrives in Pop CIty.