In this page

The PCWO and the Health Panic
The Initial Responses
Country A’s Proposal
P.E.N.I.S. vs D.I.C.K.
FizzPop! and the Worldwide Renaming
The Public’s Response
RIPPED FROM THE PAGES OF “BORING OLD HISTORY: A FUN NEW PLANET”

The Post-Carbonation World Order and the Health Panic


In the Pre-Carbonation era, Pop Planet was run by a different government for each country, similarly to how Earth operates. But when the Supreme Carbonator hit the planet and the governments of all the different planets failed to come up with the proper response to such a major event that changed everything, a new order was made. Who made the order? That’s important, we’ll get to that later.

The Initial Responses

The order argued, first, that each country was trying to respond to the Supreme Carbonation differently–too differently. The government of Country A proposed an establishment of a new health organization dedicated to testing and ensuring the health and safety concerns of this new, soda-centric way of living that the population had no choice but to engage in. 

Country B, however, completely panicked and decided to just start executing its citizens for drinking any amount of soda that was deemed too much, out of fears that the mysterious new soda was poisonous in large doses and that if someone drank too much, they’d not only poison themselves but also radiate poison to everyone around them. These executions usually involved the executioner carefully setting the offender’s house on fire from a safe distance, to avoid getting contaminated by the poison radiation. The logic was that the poison would immediately be rendered null upon getting burned off by the fire. Obviously, none of that was true.

Country C  didn’t do anything at all. It left its population completely in the dark, and that led to another panic. This time, that panic turned to anger. Fortunately, no one died this time, but the entire population did overthrow the government once everyone got sick of not knowing what to do. And then the government had to be overthrown again, this time by a different group of citizens, because the citizens who overthrew it the first time didn’t know how to govern either.

Country A’s Proposal
The three countries were dealing with the Supreme Carbonation too differently, and none of the approaches were really working…except for Country A. The citizens there were just as panicked as the rest of the world, but they were still alive and not trying to overthrow anything. That had to count for something, so the president of Country A proposed to unite with Country B and Country C to govern all three countries of Pop Planet under Country A’s form of government, with a couple extra adjustments thrown in to Country A’s benefit.

The first adjustment to this new order, titled The Post-Carbonation World Order, was that the all-encompassing worldwide government was to include Country A’s new health organization as a branch within it. 

Under persuasion by Country A’s leader, the new health organization was expanded to encompass all forms of health enforcement, not just ensuring the safety of soda-centric health concerns, and it was given its own smaller sub-branches within itself for each different sector of public health. The new health organization was given a new shiny name: P.E.N.I.S., the People and Entities for Negotiating Ill Sustenances.

P.E.N.I.S. vs. D.I.C.K.
Along with headquarters for the worldwide government stationed smack in the center of Country A, P.E.N.I.S. headquarters were stationed throughout all three countries, with the main P.E.N.I.S. building set right within Country A’s government headquarters in its capital city.   P.E.N.I.S. also bought every hospital and clinic worldwide.

With many doctors now forced to work for P.E.N.I.S., a worldwide doctor protest rippled across A Planet–also to no avail, since it just wasn’t enough to rip apart the entire planet’s new government. This was where D.I.C.K. was formed–short for Doctors Initiating a Country of Kindness, many in the organization also pushed for returning the countries to their own distinct governments. It wasn’t very effective, however–P.E.N.I.S. crushed D.I.C.K. massively.

FizzPop! and the Worldwide Renaming
The Post-Carbonation World Order’s next call was for something that changed things even more drastically: the new worldwide government, which P.E.N.I.S. was a branch of, was to completely monopolize the strange soda that was ever-present throughout A Planet’s waters and airs. 

First, appointed officials at P.E.N.I.S. announced that the soda was safe to consume, and that due to unknown biological causes, it was the only safe thing to consume, and that all citizens of A Planet must drink at least one bottle a day for health reasons. Then, the overarching government established factories worldwide dedicated to bottling and branding soda, and gave itself the same name as the soda it sold to the world: FizzPop!

It was just a matter of time before FizzPop! fully took over A Planet not only as an all-encompassing government, but as a corporation as well. It got to the point that the currency–formerly varying by the country–was consolidated worldwide as bottle caps, and before you know it, citizens would take to the casinos to start gambling with the caps they got from their soda bottles. Everything on A Planet was quite literally owned and run by soda.

FizzPop! took to renaming A Planet and everything that stood on it to soda-centric names, to match the new soda-centric efforts of the Post-Carbonation World Order. Country A became Carbonation, with its capital becoming Pop City.Country B became the Bubble Country, with its capital Bubbly City. And Country C became the Land of Fizz, with its capital being named Fizz City. And A Planet became the world we know and love today: Pop Planet.

The Public’s Response
How did the public respond to all this? Aside from the protesting of doctors with D.I.C.K., tons of other Pop Planeteers weren’t very happy with the new orders. 

The Sugar-Free was established not too long after the first adjustment to the World Order was announced, aiming to find a feasible way to dismantle FizzPop!’s regime.

So who even made the Post-Carbonation World Order? That was the then-president of Country A, now the president of the world and CEO of FizzPop! soda: President Fizz Kingston. In all fairness, Fizz Kingston wasn’t the sole decision-maker–his hired team of government officials who are always at his side are the ones who make all the smart decisions, while Fizz Kingston is trusted with the very important task of sitting in his office and polishing his bottle cap-encrusted cowboy boots.

Not very long after the Post-Carbonation World Order made its full effect, rumors amongst Pop Planeteers began to arise about sights and sounds belonging to a mysterious entity larger than anyone could imagine, which led some people to believe that this strange cosmic enigma was a god of some sort and had something to do with the sudden carbonization of the world. 

Believing that this alleged god was the one who “created” the carbonated world, a cult arose who dubbed this new entity The Constructor, with its followers naming themselves The Constructed. They claim that The Constructor “made them who they are today.” Alleged sightings of The Constructor continue to pop up from time to time, although validity of these sightings are up for debate.

To return:
click out of this window